The Future of Entertainment

This week I went to Universal Studios in Hollywood with my son for a field trip and I came to an interesting revelation. The future of entertainment is 4-D attractions.

Listen up, James Cameron, because you’ve been one-upped. This is the real game changer.

Three dimensional depth only scratches the surface of the fully-immersive experience. In order to truly be a participant in the action you need to have WATER SHOT IN YOUR FACE. I’m not kidding. Virtually every attraction at Universal Studios finds a way to shoot water in your face, whether it be Donkey sneezing on you in Shrek 4-D, scarab beetles tearing away your flesh in the Studio Tour, or being flung from place to place as part of some existentialist nightmare on the Simpsons Ride, every experience involves, nay REQUIRES, water to be shot in your face.

 

Here’s my impression of every attraction pitch meeting:

Ride Engineer: We want to give each of our visitors a TRULY immersive experience that they cannot get anywhere else.

Executive: Does it involve shooting water in their face?

Ride Engineer: Absolutely.

Executive: Perfect. (*puts on sunglasses*)

 

What makes this so innovative* is that you are most likely wearing 3-D glasses when the water is being shot in your face, so the water collects on the lenses and the 3-D becomes distorted into some kind of 6-D experience that makes it THAT MUCH BETTER! It’s like a X: The Man With the X-Ray Eyes looking at the center of the universe while the Beatles and Pink Floyd play in the background. It’s that impressive.

So next time you’re sitting in a darkened theater wearing 3-D glasses that you’re paid way too much for, be sure to have a squirt bottle filled with recycled H20 so that you can immerse yourself and those around you in the experience.

 

*annoying

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